Warning: the blog is everywhere.....i cannot be held completely responsible for the contents since its after 9:00
Do you ever just think about the way you felt at a certain time in your life and want to feel that way and stay in that place for a while? I have been reminiscing lately about different great times in my life...............the way it felt to be away at college (oh how i loved college, and it wasnt for the education!), how it felt on vacation, the day i got married, or the first time livi slept through the night,or really the first time she got up to eat at 3:00 in the morning and went right back to sleep(because that's just as good to me), it was the "I'm going to stay up from 2:00am to 5:00 am that nearly did me in, early high school memories, spending time with friends, pool days, girls nights, conversations, and in those moments i remember BEING, not much else mattered, and i was happy. And today i reminisce and think that i hope i feel the same way about these days that i felt about all those great memories. And i try each day to BE in each minute, hour and second............though i get to be a vegetable around this time of night...................but i have realized that being busy keeps my head more in check, not overwhelmingly busy, but busy, i am not as lazy and i feel more focused...............so here is to BEING in each moment and making memories that you will want to remember................
I feel motivated, i am genuinely starting to love and get to know my 26 children, as crazy as it has been, it is definitely not the worst. I finally feel like i have something to offer and i am becoming an expert in my field of sorts and then i am going to go changing up !! But i guess if you stay the same there is no opportunity for growth, so i am trying to look at it this way, though it will be tough to leave behind all i know and love about what i do now..............I enjoy going to work most days, but have been a little worn out and somedays i feel like i am not giving olivia my best energy because i am zapped and we play, but my patience is shorter and my body tired, i am really trying to balance it all, i want to give her my best, and i also want to give my work my best, because this is what i have been called to do ( i know that), can i do it all?? that is the question???but being supermom, superteacher, superstudent, super wife( though my husband would probably disagree) and ruler of the household chores is exhausting and i feel like i am missing something because people do it all the time........................so share your secrets!!!!
Ok......i feel like the little engine that could........i think i can !!! If you see me crashing please help me remember that i can do this with or without super powers! But i may need you as my back bone to help me stand some days.............
I had a vision the other day, we were talking about running the race in church, and for a moment i was engaged, (crazy as that may sound), and i just bluntly told god that i am not even on the track, i went on to let him know ( like he doesnt) that i dont even see the track, he went on to show me the track, oddly enough it looked like one of those google earth, virtual tour type things you would see on a computer, instead it was in my head.........................but anyway, i saw the track then as it the perspective zoomed out i saw beyond: the rivers, caverns, mountains, fire ............and a great big wall that didnt seem to end..........................all of this between me and the track.................and i said ( to myself of course because if i talk out loud people tend to think i am crazy, rightfully so) " I cant do that, cant get there, dont even know where to start" but god said " but katie, you put it there." REALLY, no, that is all MY doing, and i feel pretty confident that since i put it there he is not going to take it away.....................i did admit to being scared and not believing i could do this alone, he said i didnt have to, but if you know me.......................i am not quite sure i believe him.................judge me if you wish................but i will openly admit that i dont trust this god i thought i knew.................................that i no longer know......................so could it be true................what do i do? did i put this stuff in my way? Can i even make it to the track? Or the real question, do i want to ?



